Dear Abby: My ex-wife is ruining my new relationship

Dear ABBY: I need advice for a new relationship. I am a 60 year old man. I got divorced last year and met a nice woman named “Eileen” shortly after, and things seemed to be going well. When my ex found out I was seeing Eileen (they didn’t know each other) she decided to call Eileen and try to cause trouble by saying a lot of things that aren’t true. She succeeded.

I tried to save my marriage but I failed and I was trying to move on and be happy again. There was no abuse or anything, but my ex said I didn’t meet her needs enough, so she moved on. Now I feel like Eileen doesn’t fully trust me even though she still sees me.

I want to have an open and honest relationship because I care about Eileen so much that one day in the future I might want to make her my wife. How can I regain the lost trust and get our relationship back on track? Things have definitely taken a big step back, and I’m disappointed and sad. – NERVOUS IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

Dear nervous: You have done nothing wrong and do not have to “earn back” Eileen’s trust. Talk to Eileen face to face. Tell her you care about her, but since your bitter ex felt the need to have a woman-to-woman talk with her, you think things may have changed between you two. Ask if it is true, and if it is, ask why. She needs to hear your side of the story to counter what your ex said. However, if she really doesn’t trust you anymore, you may need to find another friend.

Dear ABBY: I have been dating the most amazing man I have ever met for over a year now and we are planning to get married. One of the things we have bonded over is that we both want a multi-generational family. My boyfriend’s parents (who are in their 70s) have been living with him for the past two years and will continue to do so for the foreseeable future.

As our wedding approaches, I’m feeling increasingly anxious about the logistics of living with his parents. I like to have minimal holdings while they are borderline hoarders. My boyfriend knows I’m anxious about it and is willing to talk about the situation, but he also maintains that he and his family are a package deal. I love it, but I don’t think I can sign up for 20 years in a messy house. What should I do? – CAUSED FOR THE TRAVEL

DEAR CONCERNED: I’m glad your boyfriend is willing to talk about it, but what is he willing to DO about it? Your (and his parents’) lifestyles are very different. They feel safer having all their possessions around. At their age, they are unlikely to change.

The place to conduct a truth session would be in the office of a licensed family counselor to see if this can be mediated. But honestly, because they are a package deal, as all multi-generational families are, it might be better to find someone else to marry besides the three of them.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.